ramblings

There is silence, and then there is silence. Silence, like when you come home from a hectic day at work, and you sit down on the sofa, and the lights aren't even on. You can take a deep breath. Collect your thoughts.Start to feel relaxed, and ready to start your evening at home. Ah, silence. How I miss you, old friend!

Now, silence, is rarity. A true moment to be treasured, a gem in this hectic time in my life as småbarnsförälder.  A time in my life where, at the moment, silence only ever happens and graces the insides of these for walls on precious few occasions. For instance, the hold my breath moment, when Lily stops crying for that split second longer, to take a bigger gasp of air, only to start howling again. In that miniscule amount of time, I cling to the feeling of exaltation, the incredibly short moment of awe, that makes me think that " yes! it worked- what ever I did, it worked!" .

Every parent knows that babies cry. We know that crying is their only way of communicating. We know that it can take a while to get to recognise baby's cries for what they are; hunger, boredom, tiredness. I seem to, at the minute, know an awful lot of things. After all, I am a second time mother! Been here, done that, yadda yadda yadda. But sometimes, it seems you can know an awful lot of stuff, and still be clueless.
This is where I find myself. Clueless. What more can I do? What more can I try? What, what, what?! My nerves are frayed, my mood all over the place,and I am no where near the blissful state of motherhood that I "should" be finding myself in. But then, show me someone who does, and I can show you a liar. I dont know of anyone who lives like that. Maybe I have been blessed with good, honest and real friends. Not one, has ever made me feel like I am less of a mother than they are. I have only ever gotten support when I needed it, not criticism or been spoken down to. Thank you.

Sorry about this long post, of mostly just feelings spat out in an attempt to understand them a little better myself. I may have painted  a darker picure of my life, than how it really is. Yes, I am finding things hard at the moment, I have times that I cry just as much as what Lily does, usually at the same time which makes the feeling of wortlessness feel x10 , but that is just how it is. I wonder what it is that I am NOT doing, which is making, what seems to me, my little Lily so unhappy?
I am sitting here now, teary eyed as I am writing. And I am smiling. I am thinking of Christmas day, sitting on the ktichen floor,  and playing with Lily & hearing her laughing. It was the first proper belly chuckling moment with her, her entire body shaking with giggles <3 Moments like these are what I need to be reminded of, and allow myself to feel again, when  things get on top of me. And like this morning, both girls stripped to their nappies as they have temperatures, Maia going to get a book and plonking herself next to Lily and reading to her. If that isnt a moment to lift a mothers spirits I dont know what is =). Unfortunately though, Maia then managed to trap Lily's legs that set off the next hour or so of crying until she had her bottle and fell asleep in my arms lol, but what can you do ;) ?

Christmas pics & update to come, once I feel more cheery. If you are still reading, hope you dont feel you wasted too much of your time :P.

Baby blues, baby blues, go away! Come again another day. NEVER!

fancy dancy new pjs for the Wilson girlies!

Saturday

Good morning campers! Today, I am one of those annoyingly awake and proactive people. No, not the stupid tv shop product with Justin Please Jump off a Cliff Beiber as a spokesperson, but one what is wanting to get lots done, and will try and rope all and sundry into helping. Betcha glad the majority of you arent anyhwhere near here ;)

By all accounts, today should be a total write-off. Husband was out with work last night for their christmas bash, and I have no-clue when he came back this morning. All I know that his near full bottle of whiskey that went out with him, has stayed out. Presumably empty and long forgotten somewhere. So today there isn't much I shall be asking of him, he works hard  all week then has me to deal with of an evening, so he deserves a chill out day. Mine will come in time =)

But ofcourse, what was supposed to be a nice chilled out evening with mother , baking vörtbröd and chocolate balls.,turned into an almighty battle of wills with dearest darling Maia. After the most hideous of strops, a lot of coaxing and bargain making, reasoning and restraining (to save a foot kicking at my throat and hands pulling my already suffering head of hair) I finally won, and she was asleep 22.16, a mere 3 hours later than normal. Result! And then she was awake at  4.30am. Fan-frickin-tastic. Anywhich way, this should all add up to a mentally exhausting day today, but instead I am buzzing and keen to get on and go do whatever needs to be done. I expect that by 14.00 I shall hit a wall and all this overdrive energy getting me through now will be gone. Sigh.

For those of you that arent aware ; Vörtbröd is a bread that is baked of rye and wheat flour. Traditionally eaten at Christmas, and is often seasoned with cloves, cinnamon, ginger, cardamom and raisins. And it looks a bit like this

Incase anyone is feeling like being adventurous and bringing a touch of scandinavian chic to their christmas, here's an old family recipe of Vörtbröd =)

• 50g yeast
• 75g butter
• 0.5L beer
• 2dl sirup
• 2tsp groundcloves
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 10dl ryeflour
• 8/9 dl plain or wheat flour.

If yo are using dry yeast, it needs to be mixed in well with the flour. Good idea to do this first, just to make sure ;)
Once all ingredients are mixed together, let the dough rise for abut 45mins. Kneed out and make into two loaves. Now, I cant remember if your supposed to let it rise again for alittle while before putting it in the oven,but i dont suppose it would hurt lol. So do that ;)
Have the oven preheated to about 175-200C (again , depending on your oven) and have it in for approx 45mins. Be really fancy and crack an egg into a cup and paint the top of the bread to get that scrummy looking glistening affect like in the picture:)
Happy baking!
Well I am now off, to channel this energy into somthing more productive than tapping my fingers on this keyboard. Getting dressed would be a great place to start, but Marks hoody and tracky bottoms are just soooo comfy. Why is that? Why do man-clothes-wearing always feel so good in the morning ??
Have a nice saturday, good luck if your hitting the shops for christmas! Just so you know, I was finished last weekend. I am proud of that, so yes, I will gloat. Just a little. I still havent written my christmas cards though, and you probably have, so we are even ;)

<3 kim

itchy fingers

*cough, splutter & wheeze* Welcome to sjukstugan! Where today, nothing much is happening apart from drinking lemsips,taking alvedon and having lots & lots of mys Lilsan and Maisan on the sofa. Thankfully, Maia is at nursery now unil this afternoon so that may give me a chance to perk up a bit. Maia was mucho excited that Grandad turned up today to take her there this morning!

Speaking of Maia, I am chompin at the bitt to get started on doin up her room. There's a bookcase to sand and re paint white, some pictures to be ordered/made/hung up, bunting to be sewn and storage to be re-organised. By which, I mean putting her clothes back into the empty cupboards that are built in, and getting rid of the lovely chest of drawers. Fear not, it is only going into temporary retirement in the basement, until we have need for it else-where. We are blessed for storage in this wonderful  apartment, I just need to learn how to use it better?!

A bit of inspiration for the look I am going for. Girly, but not in your face pinkfluffyprincess, which isnt particulary mine or Maia's style. And think about it, how blimmin brilliant isnt white interiors? You can change the mood of the room simply by changing your accessorising colour, and ANY colour is a go. Because really, beige/cream/magnolia and yellow is a bit blah, but white and yellow is fresh, invigorating and happy. Ifyougetwaddaimean.

Our bedroom is also somewhere in need of some attention. Everything was freshly painted and done up literally weeks before we moved in, and its really only me nit-picking at stuff. Like that I am wantinga bit more depth to the house rather than classic cream/beige. I think neutral is sooooo much more than beige/cream/magnolia.  There's hues of white, grey, blue, lilacs & greens that can all lend themselves to being neutral, fine example from http://www.creativecolorschemes.com/resources/free-color-schemes/images/neutral-color-scheme.png

So for our bedroom I am wanting something along the grey-scale, a touch of shabby chic, hint ikea, and an element of nature. I will be taking two large black and white pictures from the hall and putting them in our bedroom as I have a mini-project for the hall too....In the new year, when I am aiming for this to be done, I shall try and show you guys some before and after pics =)

I think  will also quie like to do a feature of photograph, candles and flowers above the bed, using the picture rails from Ikea, a bit like this :

But on a smaller scale, obviously. Am even toying with the idea of gettin M and K big wooden letters to have on there too. naaaw, how cheesy! <3 I love the picture rails, infact, we are using one for our cookbooks in the kitchen and it looks rather fab, even if  I do say so myself=)

So I think thats about all for now, Lilypops is getting bored in her babygym so I best go get her and have cuddles,and not try and give her my lurgy.

<3 Kim

a mothers work

A mother's work is never done. There is always something that there wasn't time to do, or something you wish you could have done better. This, after a little more than two years, is something I have come to realise. I have developed habits that I never thought I would have, said things I swore I never would say and done things I never expected to do.

I seem to be unable to completely switch off in bed unless I have had a quick tidy up before hitting the sack. The house isnt by any means spotless, but waking up to a relatively clean kitchen feels very important somehow. Dirty dishes either quickly done, or thrown in the dishwasher, and bottles for Lily sorted. At least. I like it extra much if I can muster the energy to make sure dining chairs are properly pushed in. I think I am slowly turning into  a bit of a neatfreak. Strange really. Never had much pride in keeping things tidy when I was younger- my bedroom was a disaster area, clothes strewn, tea mugs all over,  a bit of make-up on the carpet...y'know, usuals. Maybe this is what is know as growing up?

If it isnt a case of trying to keep a step ahead of the cleaning, its trying to plan ahead for the next few days; what activities to do, when to do them, who to see, where to go. Will I really feel like going for that long walk after dropping Maia off? No. Bugger that. Its christmas soon and I'll gorge on food then, so the fitness and weightloss can wait 'til after. No rush, squishy is better than bony after all. Thats what Mark says. He's the husband so I guess he knows what he' on about. He's the one that has to look me lol.

But what about dinner? Oh god, I hate cooking. Wonder what it would be like have  personal chef? oooh then they could do superhealthy food too! Two birds , one stone? Ideal. Birds... poor things, need to put one of those balls out for them, dont want them to starve. Its so cold!? Blimmin cold & snow. So pretty and fun to play in. Hate driving in it tho. Great, not gettin out much into town then.
I can find myself  tossing and turning, thinking about the world and his neighbour, as you can tell. It's amazing what random things that can pop up in my head in those fleeting moments of between awake and almost asleep. Perhaps I shall take pen and paper to bed and jot things down. Doesn't the theory go that you can then forget about the thoughts and blissfully drift off to sleep...?

Its not as simple as only being mum between waking and going to bed for the night, and that is becoming so much more obvious now being  a mother of two. I wouldnt say its twice the amount of work, but craves a bit more forward planning and organising that I just didnt feel the need for when we just had Maia. Life is full of revelations at the moment.

But these two cherubs certainly makes it all worth it <3

down-day

Today, is a down day. Not because of anything in particular, other than that I need one. A nice steaming cup of tea beside me on the window sill, a sleeping baby out on the porch, and another happily playin out in the snow at förskolan. Bliss.

Yesterday we had another trip to hospital with Maia, to do yet more Xrays, this time on the soft tisue in her knee. Not that I am a doctor or anything, but surely, they ought to have seen any tissue damage when we did the ultrasounds? No? The more I thought about it last night, the more that annoyed me. But then again, I ought not to complain, as her doctor as been fantastic, going through Maia with a finecomb to make sure that nothing is missed. I cant begin to tell you how relieved we are that any diseases or illnesses have pretty much been ruled out. It was the worst 18 hours of our lives, recieving the phone call on that sunday night to ask us to come in for more blood tests first thing monday as they were suspecting leu kemia. Wouldnt wish those feelings on my worst enemy. But yea, thats dealt with now atleast. Phew.

On a lighter note, the weekend was spent being all Christmassy! Me and dear hubster cosied on up at the kitchen table, first with some improvised, homemade mulled wine, and later whisky for him and a cuppa for me. Me making tree decorations, him a santa teddy/toy for the girls.

Sunday we went Christmas marketing, which was lovely, but without the snow and with all the mud, we felt  little deflated and un-christmassy. Though felt rather pleased I picked up some moccasins for miss Maia, to have as her indoor shoes. She point blank refuses to wear socks 98% of the time, and if we get them on they dont stay on lol. Good thing that girl is mad about shoes! Lilypops got some warm toasty leather and woolen fluffy gloves as the little bugger loves sleepin with her arms up in the air when in the pram. Bless her.

Here are some pics from the christas market =)

Well I can hear Lily waking up outside, so am going to leave it here for now :) Have a nice day y'all!

<3 kim

family..because two people fall in love

This little lady is a whole 3 months old today. Time flies and all that. Having fun etc. I cant seem to keep from cliched expressions nowadays. Maybe its a case of the mummybrain. Or maybe life is as cliched as it seems. I dont reallyknow lol. Sometimes I guess we find outselves living by the rule book rather than making our own.
There is a recipe for successful family living, I am sure. I'l be damned if I even knew where to start with that one? Maybe it's as simple as 1+1=3. And that 3, morphs into 4. or even five. Maybe more, if you are so inclined ;) Personally, our two little ladies are more than perfect for us <3  Ofcourse, should some higher power bestow upon us another bundle of fun, then so be it. If I have my way, I am done, thank you very much. I will get a cat instead, to fulfil all my cuddling and snuggling needs. Sorted.

naaw all snuggly squishy babies...can you guess who's who?

So lets see where we are...Lilypops had her injections on tuesday, the first lot. They are a bit different over here with their timings for having injections, and space them out a bit longer inbetween. So instead of 8,12 and 16 weeks, we have 3 months and 5months, and then Im not so sure lol. Havent got a little red book thats filled with info like last time =)
Lily now weighs 6605g /14lb 8oz, at 13 weeks. Maia at 14weeks was 5530g / 12lb 3oz. Maia was 20 weeks old when she was the same weight as Lily lol. But then I suppose, Lily was  almost a whole kilo heavier than Maia when born =)

I am rather proud, that I ave been organised enough to get Maia & Lily's christmas presents sorted out. Everyone elses, is just a case of going to get them in town as I know what I want to get. Apart from 2. But those have to be thought of as they need to cope with and fit into suitcases and flying lol... so I  am hoping for moments of brilliance and inspiration when I am wrestling and elbowing my way through the crowds.
At the moment it is actually rather difficult getting into the christmas mood. I think we got rather spoilt with all the snow last year. Funny how after just one winter, its something I have already come to expect!

These were all taken end of november last year...now we have rain and averaging +4C. It has actually been blowing up a right storm these last few days, and the weather forecast shows possibility for snow this time next week. But even then its mixed with rain, and then getting ''warm'' again, that is anything above 0C at the moment haha.

Anyway, I am off to bed now. We have had two wonderful nights wih Maia, I daren't say we are back to normal, but here is hoping. Always pays to try and stay ahead when it comes to sleep lol. Yay for friday tomorrow!

<3 kim