mucho excited!

Oh excercise bike, you ARE my new best friend! A while ago (feb!?) I made a promise to myself to get fit. Stop eating the crap, and exercise. It only took me until july to start! Well, now we are five weeks in, 2 weeks off from the bike due to holidays away from home, and I thought it would be a good time to measure myself again and compare to back in Feb. 

In February I measured :                       Today I measure:

Thigh 66cm                                                Thigh 62cm

Hips 102cm                                                Hips 101cm

Tummy 97cm                                             Tummy 94

Weight 74.5kg                                           Weight 72kg

I is rather pleased, as you can imagine. Because actually, I feel that I haven't gone in as whole heartedly as I could have done. Gosh, I hope that doesnt make me sound like a smug cow, I really just am surprised!!  I mean, all I have really done with regards to eating better, is cut out bread - because it makes me horribly bloated and uncomfortable and instead I will have a ryvita. I'm drinking lactose free milk, for a similar reason really. I cant drink a normal bog standard cup of tea with normal milk without bloating, but other than that I hadnt noticed a difference or thought further about it until I tried lactose free milk and realised I wasn't ''aware of my belly'' if that makes sense. Strange really - I remember when I was in my teens getting tested at the docs for any intolerances but nothing showed up. 

Well that's more of an incentive than needed, as I have been feeling a difference in my clothes which is what I was wanting rather than to focus on what the scales say. Im off to jump on that bike now, and tomorrow I am getting my hair done! Very excited, its been faaaaaaaaaaaaaaar too long since - shame on me!

current projects

There are a few things on the go at the Wilsons at the minute. Now that the dining chairs have been painted, along with the smaller mirror in our bedroom, and cushion covers done, I am finding time for some smaller, quicker things to do. Instant gratification me like! Back in the spring I found a black square framed japanese character picture at a loppis, and have now begun transforming it. The paint is still drying on the frame, but I think you may get the jist of what is going in it. Thrifty me using the left overs from the fabric for my cushion. Pictures to come with the end result =)

Next we have a fix me upper jobby- The silly drop down thing (cant think of the swedish or english word?!) broke a few weeks ago and landed right on top of Maia, so I have sewn a pretty blind (?) to cover the horrid messy hole. Eugh. I dont like seeing chaos that is normally hidden haha. Unfortuantely I was a bit of dope all day and haven't yet taken a picture of it finished so I will get a pic up of that tomorrow too when the frame is all done. Yet again, I have used left over material, But it just goes so well with how the chest of drawers is already painted ;) Note the glimt of a newly painted mirror too. Much more pleasing to the eye that how it was before, which was similar to the basket you can see.

                                                                                                                                                                                            
 A bunch of wrapping paper makes for the next project. Indeedy. Things that have a multi purpose
always go down well haha. As a certain miss L is turning 1 in just 25 days, these delicious wrapping papers will serve as useful for making decoarations and wrapping presents. Pastels have been rather big all spring and summer, and I'm very much stuck on them for the autumn too - least when it comes to childrens party decorations. The light-heartedness and frivolity of pastels seem rather fitting to childrens parties I think.

Can anyone take a guess on what I may be making ? 

something new

A spontaneous trip to Expo, resulted in some pre-planned shopping in the form of new window plants, and  as befits a spontaneous trip, a spontaneous purchase of cushions for le boudoir. Lovely. Now if I didnt have a broken chest of drawers (it has one of those fold down bits on the front that fell off its hinges and hit Maia's ankle, typical!) then the bedroom would be looking rather spiffing I say. If you then look past the ironing that is waiting for me until the evening and the exercise bike. Plus a sewing machine - all temporaries. 

Sometimes I wish I had a fourth bedroom to make into a hobby room/junk room. Where it doesnt matter what it really looks like. Where the exercise bike and sewing machine can gossip idly under layers of fabric, lace and randoms not honored with a proper place, without the organised chaos infringing on the rest of the house. A proper laundry room too, where I have space for washing and drying and keeping clean washing until it is ironed is also on the wish list. Preferably, as we are now speaking in wishes, the room would be divided up. On one side, the laundry bit, and the others a dressing bit, filled with everyone's wardrobes. So that bedrooms stay clothes-clutter free and there isn't too much effort to put the fresh ironed stuff away. Keep on dreaming eh! Well perhaps this is something to keep an eye out for when looking for a house in a few years, or start designing our own dream abode...

I have actually been spending a rather large amount of time day dreaming about having our own house. Something that seems like the ideal in the throes of summer, when patio doors can be left open and the fresh air consume the house. I have an itch to bring in more natural materials here at home, a more rustic charm than the shabby chic that is becoming somewhat tiring and too flouncy. It would be so much more fun and rewarding designing and decorating our own space, being able to bring in what we want and have our own little oasis in the hectic-ness of life as a young family

50 shades of PINK

When the heck did my house get so pink?!

my house, my home

This little beauty followed me home last week. I found it abandoned, sad and surrounded by ugly commercial desks circa mid 90's. My heart was bleeding- I had to save it! Thanks Returnbutiken for another fabulous find!

After much deliberation, I have decided against painting it white. First off, we already have white walls. The warmth from the wood is a welcomed break in the paleness and I think it may even lose a little of its charm taking it from its original state. Though saying that, with it being white it would give it another charm altogether, but until I am completely 110% sure, I aint doin' nuffin. Plus, we have a drinks cabinet that matches rather lovely with it and makes a mix-matched set. Genius huh.

Today's project is to sand and hopefully start painting our new pre loved dining chairs. Currently black legged and backed, with an oak seat, the plan is to paint what is black white to tie it it with our white dining table. I love pre loved!  I'm all for abit of individuality and character to your furniture and not leaving it to chance that you get a house with some. For me, my  house needs to be cosy, relaxed and an easy place to be with my nearest and dearest. Somewhere that fills me with inspiration and love. Thats what makes this house  my home.

lemon tasting and burning skies

This past weekend was one for firsts.My first first in the list of first is that I willingly went out with an aim to go look at cars. Second first being the Wilson family sampling the delights of eating an evening meal out together all four of us. Thirdly first, as you may have guessed, Lily got her first taste for lemons. The pictures are rather misleading, as she actually really liked it haha. Bless her, she's a cracker for pulling faces that one!

Old American cars from the 1950's, lovingly restored to their former glory, dont quite have the same glory when you are sheltering under a shop awning from the rain and the normally big crowds of people gathering for the cruises are whittled down to almost nothing. But still, when you have had a nice meal with great company its still very much a successful evening even if the highlight wasnt as was hoped. There be always next year, and the year after, and then the year after that so I am sure I am going to be feeling the vibes and bopping along some point to the funky retro-ness that is.

pic borrowed from here

It was a good thing we had such a chilled weekend really, this week has been hectic. More visitors arriving in the shape of Michelle and Frederik, and tomorrow Nana heads back to the UK. So really, I ought to get myself to bed as I'm heading over to mothers early to see her off before she heads for the airport. I know I will kick myself for saying this, but I am somewhat looking forward to the evenings getting darker again - I find it ridiculously hard to go to bed at a sensible time when the sun shines all the time...lame as excuse I know. But hey, if I didnt stay up until the small hours savouring the light that is, I wouldnt be able to take photos like this:

golf balls, marbles and sand

In 9 weeks and 2 days Lily turns one. A whole year old, crikey! Then, dear friends, it is truly back to normality as I will return to work, kids will be in nursery and the real puzzle shall begin. Byebye to the 1000 piece puzzle we've been laying since the start of maternity leave, hello 3D multi-tiered masterpiece special edition puzzle. Hello indeed.

Years and years ago, I remember getting an email about a professor talking to his students. He had an empty jar, some golf balls, marbles and sand...

Without saying a word to his students, he removed the lid of the jar and filled it with golf balls. When no more golf balls fit he closed the jar with its lid. He then asked his class, “Would you say that the jar is now full?” His students observed the jar and concluded that the jar was indeed full. 

The professor then proceeded to open the jar up and started inserting marbles into the jar. The marbles started to fill the gaps between the golf balls. After sealing the jar, he asked his class once again if they thought the jar was now full. The class concluded that the jar was indeed now full.

The professor opened the jar a third time and started pouring in sand. Obviously, the sand started filling the gaps between the golf balls and the marbles. He then sealed the jar and asked his class a third time if the jar was full. His class chuckled and replied in unison, “Yes, it is now full!”

The professor opened the jar and emptied two small cups of coffee in the jar. The liquid had completely filled the gap between the golf balls, the marbles, and the grains of sand. He then began his lecture.

“I hope you realise that life is very much like this jar. The golf balls represent the important things in life, like God, family, loved ones, health, things that you care intimately about. If we lost everything else in life, our lives would still be ‘full’. The marbles are the other things in our lives that are important, but our happiness shouldn’t depend on them. Things like our work, our house, our car, etc. Finally, the sand represents everything else; the small stuff.

“If we were to have filled our jar up with sand first, there we wouldn’t have had enough room for the marbles or the golf balls. If we use all our life and energy on the small stuff, we won’t have any room for the important things.”

After a brief moment of silence one of the students asked, “Professor, what does the coffee represent?”

“Ah, I’m glad you asked,” replied the professor. “It means that no matter how full your life is, there is always room for a cup of coffee with a friend.”

25

A birthday is a birthday. A day that is all yours, attention and gifts to be lavished, however great or small, and the best thing of all, is that you get to decide what to have for dinner.

The old saying goes that age is nothing but a number, and my age is never something I have really thought about. Getting to 16, then 18 were milestones that were longed for, and then 19 came, 20, 21 , that was a another big one, but to be honest I got more swept up in the hype of it than actually excited for being 21. In fact, my 21st was rather low key, Mark took me out to dinner, my brother met us out for drinks, and dear mother in law cooked a lush roast and got a cake. Perfect.

At 22 I became a mother, and I got married. At 23 I moved abroad for the second time (albeit back to Sweden that I left at  age 10). At 24 I was mamma to two daughters, with a husband, in Sweden, with my Volvo. A shiny, pretty white Volvo V70 sport infact, and a pain in a$$ to keep clean.

By my reckoning, the only thing I have left to cross off on the list "Things to do in order to become a fully fledged out-and-out adult" is to buy my our own house. And guess what...that is still some time away lol.

Crickey, I have been busy enough eh, and now I think would like a little time to just land and grow more into myself as the adult that I am, the mother that I am, and the wife that I am. All quite different parts of me, yet very much equal in importance. So ponder as I may, and worry about what it means to be a grown up and become older, I am now heading to bed to catch up on some beauty sleep. Oh, and slathering on some moisturiser to keep my youthful dewy glow *sarcastic*

please note my super cool pose at 25. Oh so mature ;)

friday inspiration

Today I feel invigorated, happy and inspired. Sometimes you cant see the forest for the trees, but now I am stood basking in the loveliness of a grand, luscious and green forest. Oh, and the little birds are chirping too.

This morning I have cuddled my girlies extra much, just because. It feels like such blessing that just Maia and Lily came to us. Plain old us. Me and Mark. Mark and I. The Mamma and the Daddy. Today the world feels so much bigger that what we are, but these three incredible people are MY world. And that is bigger than any physical ball in the vastness of space. Like the infinity of space, its hard to comprehend just how BIG feelings can be towards your family, unless you go there. Experience it, soak it up, let it churn you around and spit you out, and come out shining and understanding from it.

To me, being a mother is no more a job than being me is. It feels easy, comes natural and is the essence of who I am. That does not mean that I dont find it hard, have times when I curse myself rotten for doing things ''wrong'', struggle with tantrums, little sleep and puzzling work and family life together. I cry with frustration sometimes.

I wonder, how much easier being a parent is when money is not an issue. When you a free from the constraints and pressures of having a job and earning a wage. To spend time with your children wholly and completely, not being on autopilot and multitasking by planning and puzzling things in your head at the same time as pretending to be a dog crawling on the living room floor. Being able to live in the here and now. Drink up the wonderful experiences that children give you. Yes, tantrums included. To be free to go on bug hunts, get ridiculously muddy, wet and happy playing in the pouring rain.

 Remember how the summer holidays felt when you were a child? Endlessly fun, exhausting and exhilarating at the same time. Imagine that being your reality.

Do what makes you happy. Be the change that you want to see around you.

source

husband, father, friend



love, stress and admin fees

There's nothing greater, nor more beautiful than the love for your children.

They may drive you round the bend, up the wall, and halfway to China, but you'd give them your last pennies, the clothes of your back and even sacrifice your last flippin Rolo, if the need arose. Oh children, wonderful, amazing children. Gotta love them.

Currently 3/4 Wilsons are asleep. The living room is dark, infact all lights are out dans la maison. A cuppa and kanelbullar have been consumed, and I am ever increasingly convinced that the dishes will be left til the morrow. Could really do without them tomorrow though. Perhaps I can convince myself to do them. Or maybe not.

Tomorrow, even though its Friday, and therefore almost obligatory chill out day, we have an early start and all the bountiful stress that follows,with an appointment for Lily at BVC for 8month check up (eeek gone so fast!!). I may have two little ladies who dont sleep much past 5am, but the prospect of being out of the house and at said appointment for 8.15am feels a little optimistic.

After, we head onwards to town and I shall be hanging on the doors ready for Försäkringskassan to open to give them ten rounds of hell for being so disgustingly incompetent that I am pretty sure 1 deaf blind person could do the jobs of however many fools are emploed by them. Really. And here was me thinking I had moved to a civilized country. Ba ha, ha ha.

My one saving grace amongst all these frantic, panicked thoughts this eve, is that after the appointment and admin bashing, we are taking ourselves off to Linda's to play and drink tea, alternatively copious amounts of coffee. Yum.

In other news, I have started the process of changing my UK drivers licence to a Swedish one. Thankyouplease £60 admin fee just to APPLY to change it, thieving gits. Where is Robin Hood when you need him!?

Ah well, another week gone and not alot of time for the blog. The phrase " <something> becomes you" has seen me turned into a knotted, wrangly ball of stress and nervous energy and if I am not high-fivin a potty using Maia, or soothing a seperation anxious Lily, I am quietly weeping for the fact that Bernard's Watch is not real, and I shall never ever get my hands on it, however blessedly it may be needed.

Goodnight!

confessions of a failure

mamma and maia both want the dummy! haha

Today, it is like I have been a spectator in my own life. As if the real me, has been stuck inside, behind a glass wall, and I am forced to watch this irritable, miserble, failing mother shout at my otherwise wonderful children. Its not fun, I'll tell you that for free.

Blimmin'heck. I know I'm not the first, nor the last, to have days where I fall short on the sort of mother I want to be. I cant always live up to others expectations or my own for that matter. But then again, why should I live up to any at all? Expectations of how to behave, how to raise your children, what you must and must not do, by when, how etc etc etc....Why do I let it consume me? Why do we as a whole conform to these so called rules? Who made them? Society? Or is it ingrained in our very making, that we as human beings are by nature designed to conform?

Does it make us feel safe, knowing what we are expected to do? Because then, we can measure ourselves in term of how successful we are. We all like feeling like we are doing something right, if not brilliantly so. I cant imagine anyone ever setting out to be a mediocre parents. We all want to be the best.

It is easier to fault others than yourself. Ofcourse it is. Its not very pleasant to realise ones short comings and face them head on. Why would you even bother, ignorance is bliss?  If its a quirk of your personality that you get extremely irritable and moody after only a little sleep, no end of sleep training on your part will ever cure that. Your body copes with what it can, and when it cant cope, you cant cope. Something has to give. Which in my case, is my patience.

Yeah, ok, like 99.99% of everyone else then. But so what, it doesnt make it any easier, when the simple fact is I would rather not lose my temper, raise my voice or be this miserable cow that I am today. Knowing other people also get like it makes not one iota of difference because its now, sadly, a blight on this day which could otherwise have been very pleasant.

Tomorrow, I would like to wake up and be mamma. Mamma who likes to play, WANTS to play, and would win in the patience race with any so called saint. The mamma who makes everything into something fun, the mamma always smiling, brushing off any negative feelings with wave of an arm and not caring much for what others think or say. I'm not asking much eh!

But what I would like most of all, and not just for my own sakes, is that somehow my children will re-learn how and what sleep is, because it is not only mamma Wilson who gets grumpy with little and bad sleep. No no, the kids fall into that 99.99% too haha. Who'd have thought it! ;)

Easter weekend

I am getting seriously fed up with the photo uploader here on blogger.  Incredibly, utterly and completely peeved with it too. It just does *NOT* work.. The past few days I have spent HOURS waiting for pictures to upload and they never do.

So my lovelies, you'll have to use those pretty little heads of yours and imagine us enjoying Easter. Starting Good Friday evening off with 2 bowls of crisps. some popcorn, little bowl of sweets, candles and a cuppa. Good TV in the way of Vampire Diaries and Game of Thrones. Perfect. Being married to the wonderfully amazing man that I am, it is very easy to forget about the days of a few drinky-poos down the pub, and look forward to the cosy *Fredagsmys* as per swedish tradition.

And in keeping with a new, unwelcomed tradition, this Easter is the second year running we are unwell. Last year we all had a sickness bug. This year, an irritating, lingering, energy zapping cold. Mark who had planned on working some more yesterday to get our new flat finished sooner was laid in bed until it was time for easter lunch and I came back to pick him up. Didums. The kids & I had fun though, egg painting and going for a walk with grandad, great uncle Simon and Skyedog. I even fitted in a bit of sunbathing on Ma&Pa's patio, albeit with my wintercoat on, hood over my head (for snuggly factor mind, NOT cold) and a blanket (again, MYS factor). Dont tell anyone, but I even made like a pensioner and had a kip there and then, sitting in the sun lounger dressed as I was. Mad, but very very calming and relaxing. There is a lot to be said about fresh air and sleeping outside, and if my 20mins powernap is anything to go by, its not very hard to see how or why children benefit so much for sleeping outside in their prams as long as possible.

That is my humble opinion anyways ;) More fresh air on the agenda today I dont doubt, but at the mo the mercury is showing -6C but its blue skies and bright sun which is amazing. Hoping to fit in a trip to the DIY store and get the wallpaper for our bedroon and paint for Maia's. Then soon, maybe towards the end of the week, I can start slowly moving stuff upstairs to the new flat. I have to say, it feels rather luxurious and less stressful moving within the same building haha.

clothes crisis

When I was pregnant with Maia, we knew that by becoming parents we were going to have to sacrifice, give up and change a lot of things in our lives. ¨

My changing body? No problem. If anything, it made me feel more ok about myself, as now there was a genuine reason why I wasnt the toned statuesque high end specimen of the female form that I had wanted to be, but never found the motivation or dedication for. Once Maia was born and our wedding drew nearer, I was astonished how quickly I had gotten back to my pre pregnancy weight and that my tummy looked more like before than the mum-tum I had expected. Ideal.

Second pregnancy, and with it, a sugar craving. Still, no real body issues. At my heaviest in each pregnancy I weighed 86kgs. Thats ok. But the one thing now, with hindsight, I wish someone would have told me, or suggested I do, was to save for my POST pregnancy wardrobe. I wish it was something that I had thought of between pregnancy 1 & 2. Bugger.

It seems like an utterly shallow problem. Ofcourse the only thing that matters is that your children are happy and healthy, and that you have a good support network around you, and if in a relationship, that that too is happy and healthy and weathers the strains in early parenthood. It feels almost forbidden to me, and selfish, to feel that it matters how I look too. Because who really cares? Your looks certainly do not reflect on your ability to parent, and perhaps I am damaged along with so many others with thinking that my appearance has some importance in this world?

At first, I was a little bemused, that in the interval between having Maia and falling pregnant with Lily, I got down to a stone less than what I weighed before. And yet, my clothes and especially trousers/jeans, did not fit. A stone less and they are still too tight!? Really? UNFAIR.

So fast forward to today, and I am in a pickle. The majority of clothes in my wardrobe are pre children, and altough not proper maternity wear, things that were bought with a growing bump in mind. In other words, items somewhat lacking in the form fitting, and unable to flatteringly silhouette my new body and making me look and feel good. The odd new bits that have been brought when not pregnant are ones for quick fixes and poor quality (that means cheap haha) and lose their shape and are about as shapeless as can be. Because once those precious little darlings are here, your well earned pennies are spent and prioritised on other things.

Todays advice friends, is plan for post baby wardrobe, not just new prams cots and teeny weeny outfits only good for a week. For I would really like for you to not feel as crap about yourselves as I do today. But fear not, my ever wonderful boss gave me a bonus yesterday so I am off to the shops to buy a new dress ;)

Happy Easter, and hope u all have a good one =)

lazy lunch

It is not everyday we get to eat lunch together. More practical for me, Maia&Lily to eat at the same time in keepin with the routine and Mark just munches what ever left overs are in the freezer when ever his lunch break happens to fall timewise. But today, after a really stressy moody morning on my part, the three older Wilsons ate lunch together. Yummy! I have to say, brie and lingonberry is just the same as if it was cranberry. Deliciously moreish.

Now I really have to have a clean up before its time to do dinner. There seems to have been an explosion of stuff everywhere. It doesn't help that we have a rocking cot and our old coffee table out in the hall waiting to be removed and stored elsewhere, oh and a car seat that now has no use. And the pram(normally lives just outside the door in the stairhall) Things seem to gravitate and hang of these items like flies to sh!t. Give.me.strength. I DO NOT WANT TO DO HOUSEWORK TODAY. no no no no no no no no no no no no no NO!!

Notice how I have the time to touch up photos (even if it literally does take just a few mins) rather than actually get cracking. Damned those lazy parasites that have dug themselves even deeper into me today. And you know what, I cant even blame anyone else for the mess. No children or husband related things strewn about, just plain old lazy mamma today. Bugger.

tuesday

Thought I'd show you what I got at loppis on sunday - four candle sticks and a bowl =) The two taller ones are now on the coffee table and the littler ones are in out bedroom. The bowl is still standing next to the easter decs, because I actually quite like it there haha. It makes the bookcase look a bit more part of the house, rather than the empty shell bereft of use until we move. And I am glad to say that move we will, in only a matter of weeks! In true form, this bankholiday will be spent doing a bit of DIY, choosing paints/wallpaper for our bedroom and Maia's room. Lily's we are leaving for the minute and bringing in colours with accessories - hard to decorate after personality when you are 7months old, where with Maia we know and she can tell us to an extent what she likes. Purple, purple and more purlpe hahaha. Oh I cant wait. Must get round to getting the renovation pictures up so you can see before during and after we move =)

Despite the incredible amount of snow that fell on sunday, yesterday was a very pleasant sunny day and today looks like its heading in the right direction too. Shame then, that we're in the midst of potty training and Im a bit anti getting all the clothes on incase any accidents happen whilst out. It is -10C after all, and any little damp patches can get very brrrrrrr lol. Right, time to get brekkie on the go!

sun streaming through dining window yesterday

frustrated.com

I am fed up and frustrated today. If only I lived closer to Gothenburg or Stockholm. It would be so much cheaper to go back and see family and friends. Almost half price! Disgusting really. I am desperate to have a proper chat and a cuppa with Amy! D*E*S*P*E*R*A*T*E.  Its hard to find good friends, and when you do, its even harder being so far away. You see, this girl is one of those rare hidden gems.  For instance, four days after giving birth to her second child, she had taken over and organised my hen night that was a mere two weeks away, phoning all the relevant people and organising venues food and decorations as well as my soon to be sister in laws.  Something that my so called friend and maid of honour was supposed to have done in the 9months since I asked her, but she was still peeved I didnt want a spa weekend and go away and leave an 8 week old Maia.. To this day, I havent spoken to her since the 8th of Feb 2010. I could go into alot of details why but I wont. The funniest thing tho was when 3months later, another friend bumped into the ex bridesmaid at the Doctors surgery and she claimed she had been too busy with work to attend the wedding or the hen night. Yea.Right! lol Im glad I can laugh now ;)

out on my hennight! poor quality photo mind lol.

Today is also one of those days where my darling little angels are trying me. The terrible twos just get more terrible, and its unbearable having a grumpy toddler sometimes haha. At least the day started lovely with Maia tip toeing into our room, first saying good morning to a sleeping Lily, then waking me up stroking my face =) I can take tantrums for those moments. Just not today! Today is being put down as one of those that best end quickly and quietly and never be thought of again. 

Loppis tomorrow, bargain hunting never fails to put be in a good mood. Oh great, Lily just wee'd on me........

thoughtful thursday

It is all too easy to get lost in thing, big things like woods or little things like thoughts. Though how big a thought really is, is debatable in its own right I think. Well do that one another day.

Right now, I am sat in a typical living room for a family with small children. Its a little messy, this mornings tea cup is still on the coffetable, pillows are strewn around the floor ( Lily seems to deem her toys boring now and cushions are the the thing du jour). Said Lily is napping in her cot, Maia is at nursery and Mark still hasnt come home for his lunch. Prime time to get cracking, make the house sparkle and shine and earn a gold star or two in the Housewife league.  But whatever.

I am sat instead, getting lost in thoughts and daydreams (I havent even made myself a cuppa!?). I'm planning and scheming for what I want to do when we move upstairs to the flat above us now,how to decorate. Dreaming of the sumptious, feminine and undeniably pretty new pillows I want to buy for the sofa (alt sew my own if I can find the fabric). The new candle sticks, fancy bowls for lördags godis, new shelving and wall decorations for the kitchen diner. Rugs, photoframes, wooden letters, plants...the list goes on. Its quite boring really. Unless your me. I want to create a cosy, inviting and fun feeling in our home. Somewhere where our friends like to come because they can chill out too, eat some nice cake and enjoy some tea or coffee.

To sum me up at the moment, I want rustic, romantik and scandinavian vintage chic. Got these images from google, just to kinda give u the feel of what I mean. Though not the most rustic of kinds, but I couldnt find a pic that felt right. Sometimes, I think a picture is about the feeling you get when you see it, not just how its composed and what its showing off. Not just pleasing to the eye, but also the soul. Deep, huh!?
Anyways, best be getting on with things. A quick spruce up before I go and get Maia is a must. Else it will all feel terribly, terribly like a lot of hardwork later ;)

a thing called sleep

This whole sleep thing, or lack thereof, is really starting to get to me now. Its no longer a case of going into overdrive to get through the day, but more like running on the fumes.

I crash and burn once bedtime is done. I go to bed at 8pm. There are so many practical things I want to get done in the evenings, nevermind anything that is fun, or a bit of me time. Bedtime routines are back to normal. Its the blimming waking up through the night with them both, often several times and all the tantrum and frustration that ensues, that is slowly but surely driving me insane. I struggle to remember things, worse than when I was pregnant! Some morning we are up just gone 3am with  Maia. And she does not then sleep until bedtime. Usually its 4am. Is 9 hours sleep enough for 2 year old?? Doesnt feel like it, if I am honest.

Right now, I am in heaven. After an hour of struggling to get Maia to settle to sleep as she really was EXTREMELY tired today, she is asleep. And Lily. And they have been for an hour now. Expecting them up any sec really so maybe I'll have to finish this piece tonight....I was only able to take this hour long battle as my uncle and Mark were here to see to Lily. Otherwise Id have grown an extra limb in the shape of Maia, who with her sobbing, whining, feeling sorry for herself over tiredness, only wants to be on mamma. Poor Lily, I feel like I am not giving her anwhere near the attention she needs right now, as its not just the tiredness with Maia and me, but also the typical terrible twos we do battle with. Oh dear. Having kids really isnt all rosy and fluff fluff.

Lily is another nut to crack. She now sleeps fab during the day - twice a day for 1-2hours. Lush. Yet, since we started weaning she has begun to wake up through the night and after 2 weeks of trying various things and many sleepless nights, the only thing we have found that settles her is her bottle of milk. In my mind, she can impossibly be hungry. How did she manage to sleep 11/12hours a night on just 4 bottles formula a day? Now she has breakfast & bottle, lunch plus yoghurt, 1/2 bottle as snack, dinner, then bottle and porridge before bed. Any suggestions please please let us know lol.

Today is day ??? in this zombie like state. We've been like this since the end of january. Every few days I hear the sound of another screw coming loose and dropping to the floor. How I am still holding it together I dont know. Its so frustrating,especially with Maia, as she was always such an exemplary sleeper, from day 1. I shall comfot myself with the fact that this is just a phase will soon pass, but by then we shall be in the height of summer and the 24hour day light which I am slightly suspicious of and may well again cause sleep problems haha. Round and around the cicle we go, hey ho hey ho hey ho!

Anyways, I am now gonna enjoy this cuppa before my lovelies awaken. I am feeling better for writing it down and getting it out of my system lol. And y'know what- Mark is cooking dinner tonight so there is no more work for me to do at home so I can just enjoy my time with the pretties =)

monday

What a fabulous start to the week! Finally, I am able to sit, take time to think, and have a cuppa tea. Let me list the things that have so far gone against me today ;

• Both girls waking up several times through the night
• Lily's pooey nappy leaking through onto me in MY bed
• Discussions with hubster over who is the most tired
• Maia swallows glass pebble
• On the phone to 1177 (NHS direct but for swe) Lily poops on me AGAIN
• No nursery for Maia
• Call doctors as 1177 were a bit crap
• Get sent to A&E

Rather busy morning, until 12noon when we left A&E. It was precautionary trip as they were wanting to check that the glass pebble hadnt lodged itself stuck somewhere, but as Maia had eaten since and not been sick or shown anything to suspect pain/suffering we were allowed home without having the xray, and for it to pass on its own accord haha. Poor bugger, but that'll teach her hopefully.

Today is also a sad day,its the funeral of an old friend very sadly passed away on our wedding anniversary. I have lit a candle in his memory, and I will be having my own moment of reflection and rememberance. Friends arent necessarily the persons we say every day, or every year. There are many who can be on the fringes of your life, but you know that they are there for you when ever you may need them.

God bless you Paul, and may you rest in peace.